Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
