He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
These tits shall not be calmed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
