he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
