dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
