I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
