If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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