Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
