my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
