There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
