im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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