So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Come see our sink grown plant.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
