this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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