Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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