i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
