It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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