My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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