Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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