I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
