i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
