At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
sex in a hospital.. check
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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