There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
