In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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