is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
