Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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