Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
