He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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