"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
