I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
