Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
