Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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