i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
