By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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