hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Randomize
