I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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