Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
