She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They took my balls.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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