is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
