omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
