It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
