i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think my mom watched the whole time
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
