just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
