my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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