She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
