i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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