you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
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there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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