I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Randomize
