i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
