so that wasnt chicken after all
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I would fuck him just for his dog
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
