My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
