Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
