That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
