oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
