Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
