Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I supernannyed him into submission
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
