on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
