Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize