Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
