I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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