is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
