he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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