I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
