are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
