if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
