I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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