no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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