I'm eating all of the evidence.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
