I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
