I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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