i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We have started to decorate penises.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
