I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
