Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Farmville is her only friend.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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