I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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