I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
