I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
