We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
