I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
