I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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