hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
