I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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