WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
