I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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